A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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