you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
