If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
