Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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