just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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