we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
