You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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