It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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