Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize