I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
