Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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