My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
