I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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