I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
