she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
