Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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