did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
