the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize