Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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