i barfeds in our rink
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
