I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
