my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
