you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
