The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
