:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
