The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
