all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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