I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
