There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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