You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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