There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
