i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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