Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
