DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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