If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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