i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
