I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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