Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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