The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
