This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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