So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
