If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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