The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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