Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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