My cat gives me a boner
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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