his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
