Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
