i already hear my dad disowning me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
