We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
