I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had sex on a roof
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
