Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
