Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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