speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
