no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
