He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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