Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
