I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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