jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
