Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
