somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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