We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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