just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
