I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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