Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
