You made me cry and you don't even care
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
