i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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