Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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